True but thats because hes a fetus.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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