Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
