WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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