We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
