so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
