so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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