Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
love makes seman taste better
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize