I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
