my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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