im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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