bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
