There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dignity is for republicans.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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