I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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