Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
