my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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