Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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