GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
