He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
