i permit you to call me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
