It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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