happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My vagina just recognized that song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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