Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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