I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
