I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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