I am puke
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
