awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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