When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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