I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
