You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just high enough for therapy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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