What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
