She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
