And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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