I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
