Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
