She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
