Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
