What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
