How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
