youre lurking in front of me
they need to just BURY HIM!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
