Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
