Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize