There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
