So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
