i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
