Your tits are I can't wait for
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
