last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
