I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can I color on your dick again?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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