I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
