Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what day is it and did you see me today?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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