It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize