Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
