Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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