I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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