I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
