I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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