i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
