she looked like the before picture.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i now understand why vodka
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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