just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
