the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
