you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
