So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
