are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
