I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You took a bar mat shot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
