Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
